So what do you do?
Easy. You send out subliminal messages, message which you hope will scare your poor, innocent viewers into coming round to your own rabidly pro-European views.
Last night Evan Davis was winched onto a rusty old wreck somewhere in the North Sea. It was cold, dreary, wild and very, very lonely. Some cunning genius at the BBC had decided to use Sealand as an example of a post-EU Britain – a cold, gloomy, isolated wreck that nobody in their right mind would wish to visit.
For Sealand is one of those weird entities that somehow has gained status as a sovereign nation. It even has its own head of state, rather like you and I putting up a flag in our back garden and declaring it a sovereign state and ourselves as supreme leader. Sealand is just that: a bit of fun, an oddity, a pub-quiz answer not to be taken seriously.
Not unless you’re the BBC.
Those subliminal messages were coming thick and fast by now. Davis then tried to laugh it off as a bit of fun, but the damage had been done: I started to fret: Imagine life as a sovereign state without the grown-ups in the EU holding our hands. Imagine life on Sealand!
Haunted by the thought of life on Sealand, I started to feel all hot and clammy. I started to think about how lucky we are to belong to a corrupt European nanny-sate, how lucky we are to have our interests looked after by an unelected and unaccountable gang of bureaucratic sprouts and krauts.
Back in the Newsnight studio an alleged panel of ‘neutral’ experts continued the theme of doom and gloom.
Meanwhile it was the Peter Mandelson show as the ex-EU commissioner of this, that and just about everything else was allowed to hijack the show. While he almost came to blows with Chris Grayling speaking for the Leave side, Evan Davis treated every word Mandelson said with something verging on reverence.
This doyen of EU privilege and unaccountability waxed lyrical about the glorious EU. Listening to this congenitally corrupt politician and beneficiary of EU munificence one could have been forgiven for thinking that prior to 1972, Britain had ever even existed, let alone been one of the world’s foremost economic superpowers.
According to the corrupt ex-Labour minister Britain owes everything it has to the EU.
Mind you the Leave cause was hardly helped by Chris Grayling, a man who seemed in awe of Mandelson and was all too easily jostled and bullied by this utterly contemptible EU apparatchik.
Had Mandelson faced a Gove, a Farage or a Galloway it would have been a much different story and didn’t the BBC just know it. Mismatch. Grayling looked like the understudy who has just had to step into the lead’s shoes on opening night. He was bricking it. And it showed.
Indeed you could almost hear the whoops of delight from the BBC acolytes as Grayling was put to the sword. Expect to see much more of this lightweight on BBC programmes in the coming weeks. What with this guy and Giles Fraser, the Leave campaign really are up against it.
And so to bed.
Sleep, when it did come, was not so sweet. Sealand, sovereignty. Sealand, sovereignty. I just couldn’t get that awful place out of my mind.
Oh Brussels, please save us from the nightmare that is Sealand.